Don Rickles – Best One Liners

Don Rickles was an American stand-up comedian and actor whose career spanned over six decades. He was known for his insult comedy, which is why he earned the nickname “Mr. Warmth”.

He made many appearances on television, both as a guest and a host, and had roles in films such as Casino and Toy Story. Rickles developed a comedic style full of wisecracks, zingers, and one-liners which made him a cult figure in the entertainment industry.

He used self-deprecation to endear himself to his audience and often jokingly insulted them. His signature catchphrase “Heyyyy!” would be followed by an insult or a joke.

Don Rickles was known for bringing joy to those he interacted with, making him an iconic entertainer who will be remembered fondly by generations to come.

Don Rickles’s Best Jokes and One Liners

I don’t know what you said, but I know it was nasty.

I have a face that’s a cross between Jimmy Durante and an avocado.

I’m a friendly guy, but if you’re dumb, stay away from me.

I’m a great friend, but a terrible enemy.

I’m a very humble man. In fact, I’m so humble, I’m practically on my hands and knees.

I’m Don Rickles, and I’m not afraid to speak my mind.

I’m Don Rickles, and I’m proud to be alive.

I’m Don Rickles, and I’m the king of insult comedy.

I’m not a businessman, I’m a comedian – and that means I know how to make money.

I’m not a businessman, I’m a one-man disaster area.

I’m not a comedian, I’m a living legend – and I plan to stay that way.

I’m not a comedian, I’m an insult comic.

I’m not a conformist, I’m a comedian – and that means I break the rules.

I’m not a conservative, I’m a comedian – and that means I’m not afraid to be controversial.

I’m not a conventional comedian, I’m an insult comic.

I’m not a diplomat, I’m a comedian – and that means I speak my mind.

I’m not a doctor, but I play one on TV – I charge the same.

I’m not a doctor, I’m a comedian – and that means I know how to make people feel better.

I’m not a fashion expert, I’m a fashion disaster – but I own it.

I’m not a follower, I’m a comedian – and that means I pave my own way.

I’m not a good kisser, I’m a great kisser – and when I kiss, it’s not for a long time, it’s for a good time.

I’m not a hero, I’m a survivor – and that’s all that matters.

I’m not a people pleaser, I’m a comedian – and that means I tell it like it is.

I’m not a perfectionist, I’m a professional – and that means I know how to make mistakes.

I’m not a philosopher, I’m a comedian – and that means I know how to make people laugh.

I’m not a politician, I’m a comedian – and that means I know how to make fun of them.

I’m not a politician, I’m an American citizen – which is worse.

I’m not a religious man, I’m a spiritual one – and I believe in the power of laughter.

I’m not a role model, I’m a comedian – and that means I can say whatever I want.

I’m not a scientist, I’m a comedian – and that means I know how to experiment with humor.

I’m not a singer, I’m a screamer – but only when I’m on stage.

I’m not a sportsman, I’m a spectator – and a very critical one at that.

I’m not a teacher, I’m a comedian – and that means I know how to make learning fun.

I’m not a teacher, I’m a student – of life and comedy.

I’m not a traditionalist, I’m a comedian – and that means I embrace change.

I’m not a traveler, I’m a tourist – but I still know how to have a good time.

I’m not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.

You know, you haven’t stopped talking since I came here. You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

You’re an aging young man.