Richard Pryor – Best One Liners

Photo by Alan Light CC BY 2.0

Richard Pryor was one of the most influential comedians of all time. He was a powerful and profane voice for the African American experience, revolutionizing stand-up comedy in the 1970s with his caustic wit and bold social commentary.

Pryor often addressed sensitive subjects, such as racism and sexism, in a candid and unapologetic manner that resonated with audiences of all backgrounds. His style of humor was sometimes dark, often irreverent, and frequently self-deprecating.

Pryor also found success in films such as Silver Streak (1976) and Stir Crazy (1980). He won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums, and he was nominated for an Academy Award for his performance in the Richard Pryor biopic Jo Jo Dancer (1986).

His mark on the entertainment world has been indelible, with generations of comics citing him as an influence.

Richard Pryor’s Best Jokes and One Liners

I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out.

A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.

We have more food now than we had during the Great Depression – and we’re still hungry.

Whoever coined the phrase ‘Money can’t buy happiness’ was really poor.

The Police are not here to create disorder. They’re here to preserve disorder!

Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings … and stuff.

You can’t beat McDonald’s, you can only join it.

Men are like dogs, they keep coming back for more.

Sex is not the answer; sex is the question–‘yes’ is the answer!

Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else!

Life is like a great big vacant lot and I’m looking for an apartment in it!

I’m gonna tell you something I’ve never told anyone before–a lie!

The only time black people are together in church is when the Butler did something wrong!

I know what alcoholics go through: they wake up in the morning and say, ‘Oh God, here we go again.’ Me? I wake up in the morning and say, ‘Hey God, how about a little something today?!

Who am I? My name doesn’t matter–what matters is my plan!

Having sex is like playing bridge: if you don’t have a good partner you better have a good hand!

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.

Honesty: The key to successful relationships—and effective prison breaks!

Why do people talk about me when I’m not around? If they knew how hard it was going to be for me not to listen, they’d shut up!

People trying to find themselves sometimes find other people instead …

If someone’s stupid enough to offer me a million dollars to make a picture, I’m certainly not stupid enough to turn it down!

The Best of Richard Pryor-let’s face it-they would have had to work pretty hard just to get an album that bad!

There’s nothing worse than being alone — unless it’s being with someone who makes you feel alone!

Life will beat you down—it’ll take your mind off things… But no matter how hard life hits ya, sooner or later… It gives ya back exactly what ya give it.

Religion was invented when the first con man met up with the first fool

Age doesn’t always bring wisdom-sometimes age comes alone

If Jesus came back today he’d be walking around going ‘Whooooo!’ at everything that happened

A religious war is like two men fighting over who has the best imaginary friend

Christmas shopping for white folks sure must be confusing-you know that one size fits all?

An idealistic person isn’t one who ignores reality but rather one who sees reality as perfectible

Time may be a great healer but it’s also an excellent salon owner

The greatest comedy always contains some truth

Insanity runs in my family…it practically gallops

Life may not be exactly pleasant but it’s playable

God created men first because he wanted someone strong enough to suffer fools gladly

Men don’t care what’s on TV; they’d rather watch anything than talk emotionally

You can’t really say what life means—but then again… nothing really means anything anyway

You can either accept life with all its joys and sorrows or reject life entirely—your choice

If there was less criticism from other people many of us would have nothing left at all

Anybody with determination has huge potential

You can sometimes find solutions if you stick with your problem long enough

Some of us learn from other people’s mistakes; some of us have got to be other people’s mistakes

If only closed minds came with closed mouths

Don’t worry about tomorrow; tomorrow worries about itself

We’re only human—we make mistakes; we’re supposed too

Life has everything going against us; but since our best chance lies within ourselves, we must accept each challenge as our own

Money may not buy happiness, but at least it buys privacy

Life isn’t always fair; just remember your problems could always be worse

It takes two people two fight; so why do so many try so hard by themselves

Life might be complicated, but it is still simple enough when viewed from outside